Ashley Battle
Tuesday rears its ugly head once again. Frankly, I think Tuesday is a worthless day. Monday is the start of the week, and while it sucks, it at least has a purpose. Friday, obviously, is the last day of the work week. Thursday is the day before Friday, and thus a sort of semi-Friday, and Wednesday is Hump Day, leaving Tuesday...
GET ON WITH IT!!!Right. Sorry. Ashley Battle is the Battlin' Jack Murdoch of the Liberty. She shoots, she scores, she rumbles, she tumbles, and she looks damn fine doing it.
Flattery will get you everywhere.In anycase, I feel that, as she is from Pittsburgh, Battle deserves something both fitting and representative of someone from the Steel City. You see, most major Pittsburgh Sports Figures have major nicknames that are instantly recognizable.
"Le Magnifique", "The Bus", "Dumbass"...Unfortunately, I am not nearly as cleaver as the sports writers in and around Pittsburgh, so Ms. Battle will have to make do with one of my ungainly labels. Hopefully it'll stick.
Stick? No, no... not THAT unsensical.Black and Gold is too bland, and extrapolating those names (Blackbeard, Goldilocks) can move into a dangerous sexist/racist grey zone, so instead, it'll have to come from someplace else. But where? Well, where else but Merry Ol' England, source of such fine foods as Fish n' Chips and such beauties as Fergie.
No, not that Fergie... ugh... she makes me ass twitch...You see, once there was a band that inspired a whole generation to do great things. Then they broke up because of a harpy of a woman, went off onto their own (much less successful) careers, and eventually guest-starred on the Simpsons (except for John). Their name lives on, however, and it is with this thought that I dub Ashley Battle...
"The Beatle"Why? Because she rocks. Ashley Battle is henceforth "The Beatle." Also, it's a helluva lot easier for me to remember than "Marlowe." I hope she likes it, because I'll be screaming it from the stands.
If I'm not thrown in jail, that is.
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