Okay, so here’s the deal. Everyone is partial to their own team’s jersey (unless you’re the Buffalo Banana-Slugs… I mean, the Sabres).
Logo inspired by UCSC
To give you a sense of what I like, compare the above design with a (in my mind superior) discarded design...
That thump you heard is a million Sabres fans who just hung themselves.
This is a subjective process. This is a small blog. No one really cares. It’s all in good fun. However, that said, there are a few things I look for in a Jersey.
1. Simplicity...
And Lo! God saw that it was good!
2. Overall Package...
Black and Gold are royal colors in the ‘Burgh
3. Classiness...
No one hates the Yankees more than me, but the Pinstripes? Faggedabahdit! Thus, I will be judging on four criteria: Color Scheme (how the colors work together), Clarity (How it looks as one piece), Unique Qualities (something that makes the jersey stand out), and Intangibles (It could be awful, but a GOOD awful). All points are out of five. The Overall Score is out of 20, with all the scores combined.
0-3: An Abomination. Born of Demon’s minds and inked in human blood.
4-7: Pretty Bad. It brings shame on those who wear it.
8-11: Eh. Has some merit to it, but mainly for the hometown fans. Mediocre.
12-15: Solid Jersey. Strong visuals, good impressions. It speaks for itself.
16+ : Cream of the Crop. A Classic. Even I would wear one of these.
And here is the run-down…
0-3: An Abomination. Born of Demon’s minds and inked in human blood.
4-7: Pretty Bad. It brings shame on those who wear it.
8-11: Eh. Has some merit to it, but mainly for the hometown fans. Mediocre.
12-15: Solid Jersey. Strong visuals, good impressions. It speaks for itself.
16+ : Cream of the Crop. A Classic. Even I would wear one of these.
And here is the run-down…
CHICAGO SKY
Color Scheme: 1 – Puke Yellow and Powder Blue. UCLA manages it because of the decades of dominance and drug use by their supporters, but Chicago? Like my mom said about my clothes, I guess they'll just have to grow into it.
Clarity: 4 – Not a powerful jersey, but it’s definitely simple and to-the-point. Bravo.
Unique Qualities: 3 – See those buildings down the side? A nice touch, although it muddies up the clarity a bit.
Intangibles: 3 – Out of pity. Sorry the team is so bad. At least their uniforms are okay.
OVERALL: 11. It’s not as bad as the team that wears it, but then again, it pretty much couldn’t be.
Unique Qualities: 3 – See those buildings down the side? A nice touch, although it muddies up the clarity a bit.
Intangibles: 3 – Out of pity. Sorry the team is so bad. At least their uniforms are okay.
OVERALL: 11. It’s not as bad as the team that wears it, but then again, it pretty much couldn’t be.
CONNECTICUT SUN
Color Scheme: 5 – Hell yeah. A little white would have been nice, but the blue-gold-red look just looks GOOD.
Clarity: 4 – Despite the suns on the side of the jersey, this jersey looks fluid and strong.
Unique Qualities: 4 – Check out that sun at the side. Not only does it rock the whole Mohegan angle, but it’s as close to a logo as one can get without looking fugly.
Intangibles: 4 – Good jersey, but the Sun had an easier time creating something new, fun, and interesting as they were not basing it off of an NBA team.
OVERALL: 17. Very good stuff.
Clarity: 4 – Despite the suns on the side of the jersey, this jersey looks fluid and strong.
Unique Qualities: 4 – Check out that sun at the side. Not only does it rock the whole Mohegan angle, but it’s as close to a logo as one can get without looking fugly.
Intangibles: 4 – Good jersey, but the Sun had an easier time creating something new, fun, and interesting as they were not basing it off of an NBA team.
OVERALL: 17. Very good stuff.
DETROIT SHOCK
Color Scheme: 2.5 - Yawn. It looks okay, but the red and blue could have been mixed better.
Clarity: 5 - Straight to the point. We wear this ‘cuz we have to. You want us to take it off? We’ll beat the snot outta anyway.
Unique Qualities: 3 - Nice lightning strike down the sides. It adds to the whole “Shock” thing, and looks good doing it. Some white would have been nice to accentuate it, though.
Intangibles: 3 - Solid jersey, but some white/red highlights would have gone a long way.
OVERALL: 13.5. Another solid jersey for the folks from the Mitten.
Clarity: 5 - Straight to the point. We wear this ‘cuz we have to. You want us to take it off? We’ll beat the snot outta anyway.
Unique Qualities: 3 - Nice lightning strike down the sides. It adds to the whole “Shock” thing, and looks good doing it. Some white would have been nice to accentuate it, though.
Intangibles: 3 - Solid jersey, but some white/red highlights would have gone a long way.
OVERALL: 13.5. Another solid jersey for the folks from the Mitten.
HOUSTON COMETS
Color Scheme: 4 - Red and White with blue trim. THAT is how it is done, Detroit.
Clarity: 4 – This would have been a 5 if it weren’t for those zillions of stars on the sides. Is this 3rd grade art class? Then why all the glitter?
Unique Qualities: 1 – The Stars. Ugh. Did someone sneeze while designing this?
Intangibles: 5 – I don’t know. This jersey just has a great look. It would’ve been so much better without the stars, though.
OVERALL: 14. Runs red like the blood in the veins of their eyes.
Clarity: 4 – This would have been a 5 if it weren’t for those zillions of stars on the sides. Is this 3rd grade art class? Then why all the glitter?
Unique Qualities: 1 – The Stars. Ugh. Did someone sneeze while designing this?
Intangibles: 5 – I don’t know. This jersey just has a great look. It would’ve been so much better without the stars, though.
OVERALL: 14. Runs red like the blood in the veins of their eyes.
INDIANA FEVER
Color Scheme: 2 - Blue. And Red. And White. And Yellow. And Black. And all over the place. Pick something and STICK WITH IT!
Clarity: 2 – Lines all over the place, that also shift at the back. Maybe they’re trying to confuse their opponents. Like WWII Transport Ships.
Unique Qualities: 2 – Classy lettering and numbers ruined by the colors and blahness.
Intangibles: 0 – Really, this could’ve been great. Instead, it comes across as a mish-mash of different ideas.
OVERALL: 6. This could’ve been a lot worse, but the shotgun effect did work in ONE instance: there are enough decent things within the rubbish to bring this up from awful.
Clarity: 2 – Lines all over the place, that also shift at the back. Maybe they’re trying to confuse their opponents. Like WWII Transport Ships.
Unique Qualities: 2 – Classy lettering and numbers ruined by the colors and blahness.
Intangibles: 0 – Really, this could’ve been great. Instead, it comes across as a mish-mash of different ideas.
OVERALL: 6. This could’ve been a lot worse, but the shotgun effect did work in ONE instance: there are enough decent things within the rubbish to bring this up from awful.
LOS ANGELES SPARKS
Color Scheme: 3.5 - Purple and yellow aren’t the greatest color scheme, but like the Lakers, they pull it off. It looks… not half-bad.
Clarity: 3.5 – Fairly clear. I’m not the biggest fan of those “sparks” on the side of the jerseys, but… they’re okay.
Unique Qualities: 4 - An almost-all-purple jersey? That’s gotta be given some props.
Intangibles: 1 – It can’t quite decide between simplicity and gawdiness, and thus, it’s stuck in between.
OVERALL: 12. Overall, a very okay jersey. At least it tried.
Clarity: 3.5 – Fairly clear. I’m not the biggest fan of those “sparks” on the side of the jerseys, but… they’re okay.
Unique Qualities: 4 - An almost-all-purple jersey? That’s gotta be given some props.
Intangibles: 1 – It can’t quite decide between simplicity and gawdiness, and thus, it’s stuck in between.
OVERALL: 12. Overall, a very okay jersey. At least it tried.
MINNESOTA LYNX
Color Scheme: 4 - Strong choices (courtesy of the Timberwolves). Blue and seagreen can clash, but the white adds the space to keep them apart.
Clarity: 2 - Except for the sides, strong, strong, strong. Those sides are hideous, though.
Unique Qualities: 2 – Nice try on the whole “Lynx Trax,” but really, this isn’t the NLL.
Intangibles: 2 – Stands out in the mind
OVERALL: 10. Is failure going to far? Or not going far enough? Whatever. This one fails.
Clarity: 2 - Except for the sides, strong, strong, strong. Those sides are hideous, though.
Unique Qualities: 2 – Nice try on the whole “Lynx Trax,” but really, this isn’t the NLL.
Intangibles: 2 – Stands out in the mind
OVERALL: 10. Is failure going to far? Or not going far enough? Whatever. This one fails.
NEW YORK LIBERTY
Color Scheme: 3.5 – It’s not the best color scheme in the world, but at least it’s consistent and bright.
Clarity: 4 – Relatively clear. The orange trim comes and goes, and the slice on the side, while not adding anything particularly strong, doesn’t really detract.
Unique Qualities: 3 - True, there are lots of other blue-favored teams in the WNBA, but the Libs get points for not going hog-wild on the colors, side-designs, and numbers.
Intangibles: 3.5 - Like the city, it grows on you.
OVERALL: 14. A nice, good jersey. Not a classic, by any means, but with a lot to like about it. Some more white could’ve taken this up a notch.
Clarity: 4 – Relatively clear. The orange trim comes and goes, and the slice on the side, while not adding anything particularly strong, doesn’t really detract.
Unique Qualities: 3 - True, there are lots of other blue-favored teams in the WNBA, but the Libs get points for not going hog-wild on the colors, side-designs, and numbers.
Intangibles: 3.5 - Like the city, it grows on you.
OVERALL: 14. A nice, good jersey. Not a classic, by any means, but with a lot to like about it. Some more white could’ve taken this up a notch.
PHOENIX MERCURY
Color Scheme: 3 – It’s cool, but that’s a bit neon. Kinda like a stoner’s room.
Clarity: 4 - Save for the cuts on the side, very neat and tight.
Unique Qualities: 2 - Um… see Los Angeles and Sacramento. Done? Now look back here. Eh.
Intangibles: 3 I like the logo. And the red. I think the purple could’ve been a nice maroon, though.
OVERALL: 12. Decent all-around, but not enough to stand out in a crowd.
Clarity: 4 - Save for the cuts on the side, very neat and tight.
Unique Qualities: 2 - Um… see Los Angeles and Sacramento. Done? Now look back here. Eh.
Intangibles: 3 I like the logo. And the red. I think the purple could’ve been a nice maroon, though.
OVERALL: 12. Decent all-around, but not enough to stand out in a crowd.
SACRAMENTO MONARCHS
Color Scheme: 2.5 - I… well… uh… hmmm.
Clarity: 2.5 – Ditto.
Unique Qualities: 3 – It’s unique. I’ll give it that.
Intangibles: 3 – It’s so bad, it’s good.
OVERALL: 10.5. I just can’t find much to like or dislike here.
Clarity: 2.5 – Ditto.
Unique Qualities: 3 – It’s unique. I’ll give it that.
Intangibles: 3 – It’s so bad, it’s good.
OVERALL: 10.5. I just can’t find much to like or dislike here.
SAN ANTONIO SILVER STARS
Color Scheme: 1 - Black, white, and grey. There’s a reason the L.A. Kings dropped this in the late 90s. Snoooooze.
Clarity: 1 – Nice stars all over the place. This isn’t a college football helmet. And the way they abruptly end on the front? Ugh.
Unique Qualities: 0 – Does being the worst count? I don’t think so.
Intangibles: 2 – Tip of the hat for wearing black, but wag of the finger for not sticking by it.
OVERALL: 4. UNCLEAN!!!! UNCLEAN!!!
Clarity: 1 – Nice stars all over the place. This isn’t a college football helmet. And the way they abruptly end on the front? Ugh.
Unique Qualities: 0 – Does being the worst count? I don’t think so.
Intangibles: 2 – Tip of the hat for wearing black, but wag of the finger for not sticking by it.
OVERALL: 4. UNCLEAN!!!! UNCLEAN!!!
SEATTLE STORM
Color Scheme: 4 – Strong, and indeed (in my opinion), stronger than their brothers, the Sonics. Notice how the red accentuates but does not overpower, nor disappear.
Clarity: 5 – The red swooshes on the side only add to the overall effect, while the yellow shows off the green in contrast.
Unique Qualities: 3 – Nothing incredibly unique, although the restraint shown could be an example for the rest of the league.
Intangibles: 5 – A really nice look, with good trim, lettering, and form.
OVERALL: 17. Really, really good. The more I look at it, the more I like it.
Clarity: 5 – The red swooshes on the side only add to the overall effect, while the yellow shows off the green in contrast.
Unique Qualities: 3 – Nothing incredibly unique, although the restraint shown could be an example for the rest of the league.
Intangibles: 5 – A really nice look, with good trim, lettering, and form.
OVERALL: 17. Really, really good. The more I look at it, the more I like it.
WASHINGTON MYSTICS
Color Scheme: 3 – Predominantly Blue, with some black on the sides, plus gold and white accents. The black could’ve been dropped, frankly, and the gold and white put to a little more use.
Clarity: 3 – What’s up with those Black stripes on the side? Really, some more thought could have gone into this.
Unique Qualities: 3 – Nice letters and numbers, even if they are straight from the Wiz.
Intangibles: 1 – Solid design, but those black stripes REALLY hurt the overall look.
OVERALL: 10. It could’ve been early “Raging Bull” Robert De Niro. Instead, it’s later “Raging Bull” Robert De Niro.
So, overall, I guess my faves would be the Sun and the Storm. The worst? Definitely the Silver Stars.
On the whole, let's get some new color schemes out there! There are seven teams with blues of varying degrees as their primary color, while another three have purple (or purplish) colors. One green, one red, and one black... let's get something else out there.
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