Nickname Tuesdays - Lindsay Bowen

Lindsay Bowen

So, like Martina Weber, Lindsay Bowen has ridden the bench most of the year. Unlike Weber, Lindsay Bowen has actually managed to get into a couple of games, probably due to some oversite in Saint Patty's overarching scheme of slowly reducing the number of people she needs to play.

Eventually, the game will consist of two starters, a cardboard cutout of Michael Jordon, and Maddie.

Lindsay's a decent player, and a Lib, and so she still deserves a nickname. Hopefully she'll get to play soon, because I rather like the nickname I chose for her.

Lindsay Bowen = Bowser.

With Sherill "Princess Peach" Baker leaving the team, I need a new player to take a Mario nickname, and Bowen's name works the best with it. Just think; she can flambe an opponent or two, stomp the ground, then grab n' smash them off the board in classic fashion.

Methinks I play too much Smash Bros.

Bowen's gonna rock the ball when she gets it, so watch out, all of your haters, villains, and mushroom-eaters, because Bowser's gonna rock your socks off.

Whoa! Bowser is attacking us!!!
This trip is freaky!!!

Game Day - NY vs. LA

New York Liberty vs. Los Angeles Sparks
Madison Square Garden
730

Grip 'em by the Nose and kick 'em in the ass!

Quoting from USA Today, Patty said "They're all must-win games... We can't depend on anybody else doing anything. We have to take care of our business." If that's the case, then don't play anybody who doesn't have their head in the game.

You know where they are sometimes...

That starts today. No more putting this off. We've lost six straight games, the last four of which we could have easily handled if it hadn't been for some stupid mistakes and some lacksadaisacal attitudes late in the games. Tonight, we face off against the L.A. Sparks, and, aside from the Lynx, they're one of the best teams to start a streak against.

Baby-steps. Baby-steps.

We beat L.A. the last time we played them, out in California on the 29th of June. The Sparks have won exactly one game since then (an 87-77 victory over Phoenix) while dropping nine. The Sparks seem almost destined to lose against they're opponents, either by huge margins (82-47 against Seattle) or close games where they can't...quite...get it (63-61 San Antonio).

The actual game has been pretty much a formality at this point.

That's not to say the team isn't dangerous. True, they only have one player averaging double-digit points (Taj McWilliams-Franklin), but they DO have seven players averaging more than seven points a game (the Liberty, by contrast, only have six, while the Fever and shock only have five apiece).

They'll rip your head-off if you're not wary.

What this means is that, save for a superstar presence, the Sparks would be in the game every night, almost ready to crack a few skulls. They can't seem to get anything going, and they need that leader to push them over the edge.

Oh, right. They DID have one...

The Liberty, on the other hand, aren't exactly the strongest opponents to be had. As giddy as I am about being able to get back on the horse tonight, I'm sure that the Sparks fans feel the exact same way about us.

"They've lost six straight! Let's go to In-n-Out for dinner, watch Lindsay Lohan plow into a pregnant woman while driving drunk, and make a night out of it!"

Dutch is coming off a game in which she scored zero points in twenty-five minutes, while our major stars (Battle, Moore, Christon, Thorn) all had good offensive nights but had major lapses of reason on defense.

"You're the ball inspector? You look like Katie Douglas... oh well, here you go!"

We're going to need a shake-up on the starting line-up and on the bench to keep this game from getting out of hand. Patty needs to realize that it's not her system, per se, that's not getting things done, but the people within it. As seen in previous games, many Libs can succeed individually within the system. They just have to take their time, make good shots, and get back on defense.

I feel like I'm a stuck record at this point...

No more excuses. No more talk about "woulda, coulda, shoulda". If we can't beat a team that is 8-16, then we really have no business fighting for a playoff spot. If we can't pull it together tonight in front of a hometown crowd and break this disastrous cycle, we might as well play everybody on the bench for an equal amount of time on the court and let the "inexperience" that's costing us games, as Coyle argues, be thrown out the door.

Patty? Inexperience isn't fixed until players actually play.

"The execution was the difference tonight. They made their shots at the end and we had a couple of turnovers. It came down to execution. You thought whoever had the ball last was going to win and it came down to executing. They did that very well and we just turned it over at the end… It was a tough loss. We just didn't finish things." - Ashley Battle on the Liberty's loss to the Sun.

So, you know what that means tonight, right?

EXECUTE!!!

KEYS TO A NEW YORK VICTORY

• Execute.
• Execute.
• Execute.
• Execute.
• If someone isn't playing well, take them out. I don't care who the hell it is, she shouldn't be on the floor if she has two points in thirty minutes.
• Execute.

For a "real" preview of tonight's game, go here. It all starts tonight at 730. Get 'er done, ladies.

AROUND THE LEAGUE...

Chicago @ Connecticut
Washington @ Indiana
Detroit @ San Antonio
Phoenix @ Houston
Sacramento @ Seattle

Two divisional rivals duking it out for position within the playoff race... and us on the outside looking in. Connecticut's been on fire recently, but are looking for a loss, especially with the way they played against us the other day. Katie Douglas, while not injured, came down hard and was limited in her play the rest of the game. Chicago, on the other hand, has the ability to handle opponents much more skilled than themselves. They have five wins in their last six games coming from quality opponents (San Antonio and Detroit, for example) and are looking to gain a game on Connecticut and distance themselves from the Libs. Expect some desperation; if they lose - and Washington and/or New York wins - then there will be a three-way tie for fourth place.

Mmmm... three-way...

Sky by 6.

There would have been a time when a game like the Mystics in Indiana would have been a no-brain win for the Fever. Not so much anymore. Six losses in a row and a complete 180 for what was once the premier defense in the East has resulted in Indiana losing pace behind Detroit and the Sun quickly gaining. Indiana can't lose forever, but Washington has improved greatly since their horrible start. They can hang with the big boys (witness their recent win against Seattle), and even though most of their wins have come against the sub-par, their stars in Alana Beard and Delisha Milton-Jones can definitely be more than a handful. Expect a hard-fought game. Mystics by 4.

East Coast versus West Coast. The top dogs duke it out in a brawl for it all that should have you all glued to your T.V.'s and arguing the merits of rappers from the Pacific and Eastern Time Zones.

Word.

Detroit, after faltering a bit in mid-season, has regained stride and is looking to secure their top-spot. The fight it tougher out west, where San Antonio has had to fight off a myriad of pretenders to the crown. Ford is out for Detroit, but they have a ton of other All-Stars to make up for her. Hammon is essentially in a two-woman contest for MVP (with Lauren Jackson) with strong support on defense. I'm going to give it to Detroit, though. They have a great home record (10-4), but it's on the road where they make children weep for their mothers (10-2). Shock by 5.

Phoenix has won four straight behind stellar play from Pondexter, Taylor, and Taurasi. Each is capable of being a superstar on their own team, but together, they form a gigantic behemoth of an offensive power.

Too bad their defense is made of poop.

Houston, after losing ten straight then winning five of their next seven, have faded again, going 3-5 in their last eight games. They still have the talent, but their defense has always been a bit suspect, and that just can't hold up against the Mercury. Mercs by 8.

Sacramento, once at the top of their conference, have slipped to third as their stellar defense could no longer hold up their impotent offense.

It happens to every team, ok? Just take some viagra.

Seattle, meanwhile, despite having two of the best players in the league, hasn't yet found a rhythm to play in. They're at exactly .500, but thanks to a great group of fans, are 8-4 at home. Sacramento, while decent on the road, gives up a lot of points when they're pressed there. They did beat Seattle earlier in the season, but that was almost two months ago, when both teams were worlds apart. The Storm are a tough nut to crack on the road, and I don't think the Monarchs are the crackers to do it.

Ach! Crackers! Ach!

Storm by 7.

Lauren Jackson and Katie Douglas were named this week's Players of the Week for their respective conferences. Nope. Not much argument here.

Although Katie Douglas DOES share an astounding resemblence with Jason Mewes.

That's pretty much it. Nickname up in the afternoon. We're running out of players to do nicknames of!

The Horror... the horror...

Until then...

See ya, Space Cowboy...

Barbara Farris

Height: 6'3''
Position: Forward/Center
College: Tulane '98
Years Pro: 7
Favorite Theme Park Ride: Roller Coaster

She doesn't mind Ferris Wheels, though.

Barbara Farris has been a wrecking ball in this league since breaking in during the '98 season. She started off with the Shock, playing off the bench but keeping her power under restraint so that she wouldn't be aiding the enemy.

Even when playing for Detroit, she knew she was a Lib.

Unfortunately, I don't have my media guide on me, and so I can't tell you how exactly the Liberty picked her up from the Shock. Thus, I'll go with the next most reliable source of information: the interweb!

Downfall of governments, workplaces, and childhood innocence.

Apparently, Barbara Farris knows seven ways to kill a man with a spork (which she always carries around in her wheelchair). She rocked the hizzy at Tulane, and after saving thirty orphans from a mob-induced drive-by, went into hiding with the Witness Protection Agency. Destiny? She is transplanted to New York, where anybody can hide for several hours at a time

...as long as the Subways run on schedule.

Last season, she was a top reserve and started a crapload of games, averagin a hair under eight points, seven rebounds, and twenty-eight minutes a game. She was also named BAFTA'S "Most Promising Newcomer to Leading Film Roles" for her role in 1965's Catch Us If You Can.

Man! The WPA does a good job!

Other stats: Farris played in 118 games for Tulane, averaging 14.7 points and 8.0 rebounds. She was named to the All-Conference USA First Team in 1997 and the Second Team in 1998. She's also played in Europe, Antarctica, and Neptune.

Wait... is this Wikipedia article accurate?

All in all, a solid career. She's lost time this year due to Patty's insistence on running a short bench, but don't you worry, Farris Fans! Barbara Ann will be here for years to come.

The WPA is strict on habitation-requirements.

(Note: I'm coming up on 100 posts and running out of players to do features and nicknames on. To keep the season going, I'm going to finish out the Libs and then I might have to get creative.)

Monday's Suck - Liberty Lose

Lindsay Whalen. Ass-Kicker. Basketball Goddess. Sex Symbol. And Dream Crusher.

Sun 67, Liberty 61

Yeah, the Liberty are 10-14, nine games out, and last in the division. We're now behind everyone in the division except Washington (tied), and Chicago, in possession of the last playoff spot, is two wins and a full game ahead. This sucks balls.

Donkey Balls, in fact.

Once again, the Liberty were outplaying their opponent and gave the game away. leading going into the 4th quarter, the Liberty stopped coming up big in situations and lost their sense of urgency. What's the spell, kids?

L-O-S-S.

The beginning of the game should have spelled it out for us. The Sun win the toss, and then it goes into a "Who can miss the most shots" contest. Sun? Miss. Liberty? Miss. Sun? Miss. Liberty? Miss. It goes on like this for two and a half minutes until finally Loree Moore comes up with it and sinks a huge basket.

An omen, portending of things to come.

Katie Douglas sparks the Sun, however, and they roar back 8-3. Dutch isn't doing much, but McCarville, Thor, Thorn, and Moore manage to push the Liberty to a tied game after ten minutes. 13-13? It could have been MUCH worse.

Like this much worse.

The Liberty seem to have found their angle, however. They romp, storm and kick their way back into the game, with a hearty two baskets from the Middle-Man at the beginning of the 2nd Quarter to start them off.

Oh, Middle-Man. I've missed you.

McCarville keeps up her monster game, racking up point after point. Katie Douglas (CON) is sick, too, racking up 16 points in the first half alone. It seems that whenever she gets the ball, the defense just opens up for her. Moore is doing well, too. And Thorn? Well, you know what she is in everyone's side.

"A stitch?"

Katie Douglas goes down hard near the end of the half, but luckily, the MSG video-guy cuts to the Fat Guy dancing, and when all is said and done, Douglas is back out onto the court. The buzzer rings, and the Liberty are ahead by 5 going into the locker room. I wish I could give you more, but there was an incident involving mustard on my shirt that required two minutes of attention near the end of the half.

The Tide Pen = Greatest Invention in the 21st Century.

That would be the end of my jollies, however, for while Douglas would only score five more points in the game, the rest of the Sun would step up and force the Liberty to protect their lead, something they were unwilling to do.

"So the Sun are leading. Big deal. It's just a game, man."

Instead, turnover led to missed shot led to easy rebound led to poor defense. And, much like many of the games early on in the season, it seemed that the Liberty spread like a certain body of water in the middle-east whenever a certain Sun player got the ball.

That's right. They picked up Moses on waivers.

Still, the Liberty are ahead at the beginning of the third quarter, but we just aren't getting things done. Down from shooting 50% at the beginning of the game, the Libs seem to shoot nothing but awkward shots from weird angles, begging the Sun, who weren't exactly doing well themselves (38% from the field, 26.7% from beyond the arc), to just put them out of their misery.

The Sun never had a problem when Old Yeller had to be shot.

They came into the fourth quarter with their streak on the line and left it, twenty-two points later, intact. Marvel, Thor, and Marlowe did their best, but couldn't pull enough rabbits out of their ass to save this one.

No, I'm not going to go the full nine with this pic.

Instead, the Libs seemed listless. They didn't push the ball and just kinda laid back on their heels, content to lose the game. I won't name names, but there was a certain person that wasn't having any kind of night out on the courts who should have been pulled by Patty near the end of the first half.

My impersonation of Dutch.

The 4th quarter winds down, and with 20 seconds left, the Liberty suddenly realize that if they lose, they'll be four games under .500.

Too late, gals.

And that's it. It's foul, foul shot, crazy shot goes off, Sun Rebound, repeat madness, and then the seconds tick off the clock. And that's the game.

An interesting promotion; these were handed out to the first five hundred fans to leave last night.

The Sun came to play, and even though they messed up some huge opportunities in the first half, they never gave up. I can't hate a team from Connecticut...

That's where my beloved Whalers came from...

...and so, I must give credit where credit is due. Props to Patty for being more lenient with playing time, but a definite wag of the finger for keeping in Kraayeveld despite the fact that she was playing on Venus.

Known alternately as the Love Planet and the Suck Planet.

Dutch? I love you, and so I shall forgive you this game. But next time? Point out the scoreboard to Patty and give up your spot to someone who's "On" that night.

GAME NOTES

• Janel McCarville = 18 points. Loree Moore = 9 rebounds.
• Cathrine Kraayeveld. 25+ minutes on the court. Zero points, four shots, three rebounds, and two turnovers. Wow.
• Connecticut has now won eight of their last ten and are only two games behind the free-falling Fever.
• Refs? Not exactly on tonight, but the Liberty didn't do themselves any favors.
• Patty still not understanding the idea that if it IS broke, DO fix it.
• Decent crowd, mostly thanks to the massive contingent of Sun fans in attendance.

Next Game? Los Angeles, this Tuesday.

730, Tuesday
MSG
One Last Gasp

I will almost definitely be in attendance. I hate L.A., rehearsal for my sketch comedy group might be cancelled, and Martina Weber was dressed today. She's gonna get gametime in the near future, and I NEED to be there for that.

The Writer's Girlfriend would be jealous, but she says even baser things about Daniel Craig.

Look for the tall gentleman who looks like he just came from work... because he will have.

AROUND THE LEAGUE...

FRIDAY'S GAMES

Houston 69, San Antonio 63
Minnesota 85, Los Angeles 76
Phoenix 98, Chicago 96
Seattle 89, Indiana 75

SATURDAY'S GAMES

Detroit 76, Washington 64

SUNDAY'S GAMES

Detroit 75, Los Angeles 73
Chicago 88, Houston 70
Phoenix 80, Indiana 75
Minnesota 78, Sacramento 73
Silver Stars 92, Storm 88

I'm happy about the Houston game, frankly. I don't mind San Antonio, but I like the grit that Houston is showing. They started off incredibly weakly but have rebounded to show their true potential. Would that the Libs could do something similar...

Yeah, that encapsulates my emotions right about now.

Minnesota beating Los Angeles? Okay, I was overly sarcastic with this game, but I thought that L.A. had a much better team than people were giving them credit for. It wasn't the first time I was way, way wrong.

Just ask the Writer's Girlfriend.

Chicago pulled very closely with Phoenix and gave them a run for their money. In the end, however, the Mercury pulled together and headed the Sky off at the pass. It was a strong game, marked by a complete absence of dignity, defense, and sobriety.

Like my family reunion!

Indiana continues their Catchings-less spiral. If the Liberty had managed to play like the team they are capable of being, they would be able to catch up. It looks like it is Connecticut's division now, as Indiana just refused to show any semblence of a heartbeat against the Storm.

It's like 24, except not so "laugh-out-loud" ridiculous.

The Mystics suck. Detroit rules.

I concur.

Anything else to add? No? Next.

Detroit wins back to back games and cements their lead in the East. Los Angeles, like always, makes a run of it but can't seem to push themselves over the edge. Interesting to see Detroit right its ship AFTER Cheryl Ford gets injured for the season. That's the sign of quality, right there: lose a player and still manage to come together.

Chicago destroyed Houston. Eighteen point win? Did the Comets even show up after a certain point?

Dutch and the Comets were hanging out at McSorley's last night, got trashed, and forgot to show up to their respective games.

That puts Chicago even further ahead of us than they already were. Great. Wonderful. And nice to see two burgeoning superstars on their team play like they want it.

Ass.

Oh, Indiana, where art thou? Whence hast thou gone now that thy captain, thy leader, thy shining force, hath been injured most seriously? How willst thou compete? How willst thou survive? White (25 pts), Whitmore (11), and Sutton-Brown (14) canst not carry thee for ever. That Mercurial team from Phoenix did best you, verily, with Pondexter (21 points) and Smith (18 pts, 12 rbnds) leading the charge, and methinks that thou shouldst thank whatever god smiles favorably upon thine sullen scalp for the numerous wins that thou didst miserly stockpile early in the summer months. For these, it shall be known, will be what carries thee into the August play-offs, and not thy current game.

Thank you, thank you. Try the meatloaf special.

This is what I hate about predicting scores in the WNBA. Minnesota is the worst team in the league, and yet once in a while, they'll all get together and decide "Hey! We're getting paid to do this! Let's put some backbone into this, yeah?" Almost as if, late last night, Augustus sat everybody down at Denny's and conspired to steal a game from the Monarchs.

"Okay, let's play defense tonight. I'll score 39 points. And everybody? Hit those shots."

The Silver Stars showed why they are the best team in the West by taking down a ferocious Storm. Seattle wasn't going to just hand this game over, and they fought tooth-and-nail from the start. San Antonio pulled it off, however, thanks to stellar play from Marie Ferdinand-Harris (5 rbnds, 14 points) and Becky Hammon (30 points).

"Hey, New York? How do you spell MVP? Oh, wait. Nevermind."

No games today. A zillion tomorrow.

Patty has some words about last night's game. She blames the team's youth and inexperience. Well, there's enough of this shit sandwich for everyone.

Nice piece on Lauren Jackson from ESPN. It goes into her various woes and tribulations, and indeed it must suck balls with those weak shins, but she is a superstar, hometown hero for Australia, a big reason why the Storm might stay even if the Sonics go, and getting paid one of the largest salaries in the WNBA (along with the cash she makes in the winter). She'll be made if she can just hold on.

A big reason for Holdsclaw's sudden retirement was depression, according to Forbes. You know, the condition she's faced her entire life.

Solid reporting. What color will the sky be tomorrow?

Liberty Belle up in the afternoon. Have a good Monday, if you can. And see the Simpsons Movie. As someone who grew up on the show and is disappointed in where it has headed, it is a breath of fresh air. 9th Season caliber. Until later, then...

See ya, Space Cowboy...